For the LOVE of PINK pants!

Can we talk about the sweat pants that have the word “LOVE” or “PINK” (or both) emblazoned across the butt? Every time I leave the house, I see at least half a dozen women displaying some spangled, sequined, glittered version of “LOVE PINK” on their asses. (Why never “GRACE GREEN” or “JUSTICE PUCE” or “LIBERTY CHARTREUSE”?) I can’t make a trip to the ATM or grocery store or coffee shop without being nearly blinded by butt-bling. I don’t understand this phenomenon.

I should start out by admitting that I’m extremely logo averse – I don’t like Louis Vuitton bags or the Coach purses with big Cs all over them. I think the last time I wore something with a giant logo on it was in sixth grade when I had a multi-colored sweater that prominently featured a giant Jordache horse, or maybe in junior high when I most definitely had some Esprit and Vaurnet France t-shirts. Sometime during high school, I got uncomfortable with the idea of being a human advertisement. I do not see myself as a walking billboard – my ass included. Are some people so brand loyal that they willingly and happily turn their butts into billboards (some larger than others)?

 No, thank you.

And maybe I’m weird, but I have this crazy notion that words, and their placement in the world, mean something. I don’t understand the point of “LOVE” or “PINK” or “LOVE PINK” across the butt. Are these women suggesting that others should love their butts? Are they proudly communicating that they love their own butts? Do they love butts in general? Do they love pink? Are they making sure, in case we’re color blind, that we know their sweat pants are, in fact, pink? (What about when the pants aren’t pink?!) See how confusing this is? Is their enthusiasm for the pants so great that they need to announce it to the world? Are they trying to accentuate their butts? (This last possibility seems like a bad idea seeing as the vast majority of the wearers really should not be calling any extra attention to their asses.)

Maybe if you’re a twelve-year-old girl, having a sweet word like “love” or “pink” displayed across your posterior seems cute and crazy, and especially irresistible when it’s rendered in pink sequins and makes you think you’re an “Angel” a la Gisele. My recollection is that girls of that age are just discovering that their asses are of interest to others and therefore useful for more than sitting on. Beyond the early teens though, I can’t think of any reasonable excuse. There are more sophisticated ways of calling attention to your feminine assets than affixing a sparkly sign to your ass.

No Subtlety here.