This morning, as I walked the block and a half from my car
to my office, a man leaned out of his car window, whistled and said “Nice!” as
he drove by. This happens fairly frequently, but today felt different. Leering
catcalls are always annoying and disconcerting, but this morning, the day after
my country elected a truly vile human being who regularly demeans and degrades
women, and brags about violence against female bodies, it felt downright
terrifying. It didn’t feel like one asshole in a truck; it felt like the whole
country making me nothing more than an object, staring me right in the face and
letting me know full well that my success, happiness, and safety depend completely
on whether or not the guys in the trucks decide to keep on driving today or to stop
and do whatever they feel like doing.
When I was a little girl, I was told I could grow up to do
and be anything. I was raised to believe that I was lucky to be growing up in such
a time. Unfortunately, that optimistic sentiment didn’t line up with the
reality I faced. I wanted to play drums in the school band… Nope, the choices
for girls were flute or clarinet. I wanted to grow up to be a fighter pilot… Oh
no, girls can’t ever do that! When I was 8 or 9 years old, a friend’s mother
overheard us talking about what we wanted to study when we went to college. She
told us we were being ridiculous, that we should focus on finding good husbands instead, and that if we weren’t
married by the time we were 18 all the “good men” would be gone. When I came
back to work after three months of maternity leave, a male superior who I
admired and respected asked me how I was enjoying motherhood. I told him it was
wonderful, interpreting his nodding head and smiling face as signs that he was
fondly recalling the early months with his own children; but I watched his
smile turn to a confusing smirk as he said, “One of my mentors always told me ‘Never
hire a woman of child-bearing age.’”
Like most women, I could write a book filled with sexist
anecdotes ranging from the sort that would be funny if they weren’t so annoying
to those that are outright scary and appalling. So forgive me if I’m having
trouble embracing the sentiment that this is politics-as-usual. I don’t think
there’s anything “usual” about electing a man who proudly displays a clear and
vehement distain for women as anything other than sex objects. How have we
elected a man who is absolutely unqualified to hold the highest leadership
position in our nation? A man who incites violence against those who don’t
agree with him? A man who belittles and attacks anyone who isn’t just like him?
How in the world could any woman have voted for the King of
Catcalling Assholes in Trucks? Former Secretary of State Madeleine K. Albright
has said “There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other
women." I think there might be an even deeper, more “special” place for
women who voted for Donald Trump.
I’m tired of hearing that it’s because voters in more rural
areas feel disenfranchised – that their way of life is being left behind. I
grew up in very rural America – small towns in Arizona and Oregon – so I
understand the issues. What I don’t understand is how hate, bigotry, and
ignorance clearly prevailed over the kindness that I knew in those
communities. Many are arguing that the disenfranchisement
and frustration with Washington D.C. was felt so keenly that voters were
willing to put aside or ignore all the hate Donald Trump spewed like a broken
fire hydrant. I don’t buy it. You don’t get to put that aside. You can’t support
Donald Trump without supporting his misogynistic, racist platform. I, like many
others today, feel like I woke up in a country I didn’t know existed. I believed
that goodness would outweigh frustration. I refused to believe people would be
willing to burn everything good to the ground. Silly me. All I can say is, good
job cutting off your nose to spite your face, America.
I don’t understand the “political outsider” appeal of Donald
Trump. Being a “political outsider” means he has exactly zero qualifications to
perform an extremely difficult, complex job. I’ve spent my entire career in
municipal government and I find this argument baffling. I simply cannot understand
why large groups of citizens (the majority even!) think it’s a great idea to
have people who have no experience or understanding of what they’re doing, take
on important jobs that impact the very fabric and operation of our society. If
you were hiring a person to handle your company’s accounting, would you look at
the resume of a biologist (brilliant as he or she may be) and exclaim, “Yes!
This is the one! This candidate has no concept of standard accounting practices
and procedures! She’ll bring a great fresh perspective to this job!” No, you
would not. If you needed heart surgery, would you select the person who has a long
and esteemed career as an artist? I mean, why not bring some new thinking to
the surgery, right? Who wants a tired, old, experienced doctor who has performed
thousands of successful heart surgeries! Boring!
So, as I was harassed this morning, like on so many other
mornings, my heart broke a little more than usual – for myself, for all women,
for racial and religious minorities, for LGBTQ people, and mostly for our
children. There seems to be an outpouring from distraught parents today as we
struggle with how to talk with our children about the horrifying outcome of
this election. An article titled “What Do We Tell the Children?” by Ali
Michael, Ph.D. (http://huff.to/2fYVG4p )
has been circulating like crazy this morning on the Facebook feeds of fellow
parents and people who care about children in general.
Children are genuinely frightened. I’ve lost track of how
many posts I’ve seen from parents who are attempting to comfort crying
children, daughters who are fearful that they are no longer safe from physical
harm, and sons who worry that bad things will happen to them or their loved
ones. Beautiful little boys and girls now see that this country has picked a
terrifying bully as its leader. We as adults haven’t told them that – they’ve
seen and heard Donald Trump mocking disabled people, degrading women, calling
people of color rapists and criminals. As the parent of a ten year old boy, as
a woman, as a decent human being, I can’t begin to put to words how furious and
profoundly sad this makes me.
Of course we will teach our children to keep on loving each
other, to stay kind, and that we will continue to protect them. (What choice do
we have?) We’ll tell them that “one bad man” can’t do that much harm all by
himself; that we have a big democratic system with checks and balances. But
kids are smart; they see through all kinds of bullshit. They’ve seen the “bad
man” and they’ve heard him say terrible things with their own ears. They’ve
seen and heard about the violence and vitriol at his rallies. They’ve been
watching and they’ve been listening and now they are, understandably, scared.
So much for the days when children were inspired by presidents!
The commentators kept saying this would be an historic
election result no matter what – we’d either have the first female president or
the first president to have never previously run for public office or served in
the military. Well, I think we have another historic first… We have the first
president our children are terrified of. This should tell us something, America
– something has gone terribly, terribly wrong.
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