Can we talk about the sweat pants that have the word “LOVE” or “PINK” (or both) emblazoned across the butt? Every time I leave the house, I see at least half a dozen women displaying some spangled, sequined, glittered version of “LOVE PINK” on their asses. (Why never “GRACE GREEN” or “JUSTICE PUCE” or “LIBERTY CHARTREUSE”?) I can’t make a trip to the ATM or grocery store or coffee shop without being nearly blinded by butt-bling. I don’t understand this phenomenon.
I should start out by admitting that I’m extremely logo
averse – I don’t like Louis Vuitton bags or the Coach purses with big Cs all
over them. I think the last time I wore something with a giant logo on it was
in sixth grade when I had a multi-colored sweater that prominently featured a
giant Jordache horse, or maybe in junior high when I most definitely had some
Esprit and Vaurnet France t-shirts. Sometime during high school, I got
uncomfortable with the idea of being a human advertisement. I do not see myself
as a walking billboard – my ass included. Are some people so brand loyal that
they willingly and happily turn their butts into billboards (some larger than
others)?
And maybe I’m weird, but I have this crazy notion that
words, and their placement in the world, mean something. I don’t understand the
point of “LOVE” or “PINK” or “LOVE PINK” across the butt. Are these women suggesting
that others should love their butts? Are they proudly communicating that they
love their own butts? Do they love butts in general? Do they love pink? Are
they making sure, in case we’re color blind, that we know their sweat pants
are, in fact, pink? (What about when the pants aren’t pink?!) See how confusing
this is? Is their enthusiasm for the pants so great that they need to announce
it to the world? Are they trying to accentuate their butts? (This last
possibility seems like a bad idea seeing as the vast majority of the wearers
really should not be calling any extra attention to their asses.)
Maybe if you’re a twelve-year-old girl, having a sweet word
like “love” or “pink” displayed across your posterior seems cute and crazy, and
especially irresistible when it’s rendered in pink sequins and makes you think
you’re an “Angel” a la Gisele. My recollection is that girls of that age are
just discovering that their asses are of interest to others and therefore
useful for more than sitting on. Beyond the early teens though, I can’t think
of any reasonable excuse. There are more sophisticated ways of calling
attention to your feminine assets than affixing a sparkly sign to your ass.
