The video keeps playing in my head because it stirred a pot
that is always bubbling and brewing in my mind. It provoked another battle in a
war I've long been waging with myself. The adversaries in this conflict are Art
Girl and Money Girl. They’re both nice gals; it’s just that they’re almost
always at odds with each other. Art Girl loves to dance and write. Money Girl
likes to go on vacations and have a house that isn't falling down around her.
She likes to shop for pretty things and send her kid to a good school. Money
Girl isn't ridiculously materialistic. She's not talking about month-long
vacations on an estate in the South of France or a private Caribbean island (not
that that wouldn't be lovely). She just likes a few relaxing days with her
family once or twice a year – preferably somewhere warm.
The “What if money was no object” video is one perspective
on how to handle the conflict between Art Girl and Money Girl – a struggle I’m
guessing is common for many of us. For some people maybe it’s Outdoor Guy or
Sports Girl or Craft Guy who is battling Money Guy, but the essence of the
struggle is the same. Alan Watts’ advice on the issue is this: Figure out how
you would really enjoy spending your life and do that. Forget about the money. Chasing
money will cause you to live a life you don’t like and that is stupid. Watts
suggests that if you do what you truly desire, you will become a master at it
and the money will follow. Watts definitely sides with Art Girl.
I like Watts’ advice; I really do. It’s beautiful and
idealistic, and I’d like to believe he’s right. Unfortunately, I’m not sure he
is. Maybe money can’t buy you happiness, but it certainly can help! What if you
like the things money buys? What if you live in (and love) an expensive city? What
if vacations and fast cars and fine dining make you happy, but you love doing
something that holds very little promise for significant or even reasonable
compensation?
Some fields, no matter how successful you become, just don’t
pay a lot. Sure, a preschool teacher could rise through the education ranks
into a more lucrative administrative position or become such an expert in some
aspect of early childhood education that he or she could write a book and go
out on the lecture circuit. But then the teacher isn’t teaching anymore, are
they? Teaching was what the teacher really loved.
Watts suggests that our society doesn't teach people to do
what they love, but I’m also not sure I agree with that. My parents, teachers,
and career counselors doled out quite a lot of “do what makes you happy”
guidance. In fact, my friend Marla and I have spent a great deal of time
discussing how frequently we heard that advice as we were growing up. We always
come to the conclusion that young people really ought to also hear the other
side of the simple and clichéd “do what you love” and “happiness is all that
matters” refrain.
Human beings are multifaceted creatures; there are a variety
of things that bring us satisfaction and make us happy. Some of these things
are, quite possibly, at odds. Given that, it feels simplistic and confusing to
say “just do what you love doing.” I suppose this is where prioritization comes
in – of course there are lots of things that make my life fulfilling and genuinely
happy. If I had to pick just one, it would be my family. Sadly, spending time
with my family does not pay well. In fact, having a family REQUIRES money.
I have a friend who recently shared a story about his adult
son, who always wanted to be an artist. He pursued that dream, often barely
making ends meet and living on next to nothing. He was okay with that because
he was doing what he really wanted to do. Well, time went by and he got a little
older, as we all tend to do. He met a nice girl, got married, and started a
family. He still loves making art – that’s what he wants to do and he’s good at
it, but you can probably guess that he also loves his family and being a
“starving artist” isn't really working out now, no matter how much he enjoys
it. He was whining excessively about the unfairness of it all and his dad’s
response was: “If you really wanted to be an artist, you shouldn't have gotten
married and had a kid.” Harsh? Definitely. True? I’m not sure. Maybe.
What I've tried to do – in my battle between Art Girl and
Money Girl – is combine the two. I've been fairly successful at it; I work in
the arts, but not as an artist. I’m an arts administrator, which is a pretty
good attempt at making both Art Girl and Money Girl happy. Sometimes it feels
like a good compromise, but a lot of times it feels like the result of trying
to appease both is that neither one ends up happy. Trying to feed Art Girl and
Money Girl ultimately leaves them both hungry. Doing something meaningful is
great; I really appreciate that about my job. I believe in it. But, at the end
of the day (actually many, many days), it’s still a job. When I explain to
people what I do, they often say, “Your job sounds so fun!” Yes, parts of it
are fun, but the vast majority of the time, it’s deadlines and budgets and
stress and crazy customers just like everybody else’s job. It often has me
working long hours away from other parts of my life that make me very happy. I
don’t make as much money doing it as I likely could in another field, and I
don’t have the opportunity to fully exercise the creativity I feel.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe that happiness really is the
most important thing, but it’s more complicated than that. Don’t we need to
honestly consider WHAT makes us happy? It’s great if someone loves teaching
preschool, but what if the same person also loves going on luxury vacations and
wearing couture fashion? He or she is never going to be able to do that on a
preschool teacher’s salary. Some people are totally inspired by doing social
work and helping members of society who need special assistance. That’s
fantastic, unless they have an expensive hobby that brings them great joy. They’re
probably not going to be able to fund horseback riding or yacht racing with a social
worker paycheck. We need to consider these things before we make major life
decisions. Maybe we end up deciding it’s more important to do something we
truly love and we can stand letting yachting or Chanel bags or whatever it is
go. Maybe we don’t. The point is, either way it should be a conscious decision,
made with obvious consequences taken fully into consideration.
What do you think? Who is more powerful, important, and/or reasonable
– Art Girl or Money Girl? How do you reconcile the two in your life?
